Dear SAAQ,

You can suck it.

I provided official documentation from my doctor two years ago certifying that my medical condition is resolved. You're telling me that the signed document from a medical professional isn't sufficient evidence that I'm not a threat on the road? Really? Seriously?

Fuck you.

No love at all,

Me.

Dear Universe,

Waking me up by driving a railroad spike through the side of my head? Uncool. Just FYI. No cookie for you.

No love,

Me

Dear 24,

Against my better judgment, I have started watching you again. Why do I do this? I don't know. I feel a bit like an abused wife.

"I know you didn't mean it -you were just drunk on your TV ratings!"

"Maybe this time it'll be different. I know you can change!"

At least so far this season no one has torn out someone else's jugular with ( Read more... )

Dear Migraine Fairy,

Please to fuck off and die any time now. Seriously. I've tried pills and naps and white flower balm and every other trick in the book all freaking day long, and I am DONE now.

No love,

Me

Dear Prospective Candidate,

Here's a tip: if you can't call the RCMP by yourself to get information on how recruitment works, then the RCMP is probably not a career path you should consider. If you have to get your mommy to call for you, then the RCMP is definitely not a career path you should consider.

Please to grow a spine, some cojones, and ( Read more... )

Dear body ( Read more... )

Dear banking website ( Read more... )

Dear universe,

You either need to give me more time or more energy if you want me to get all this stuff done. Both together would be nice. I know that I'm asking for a lot, but really, I need a leg up here.

Love,

Me

Dear cat,

I love you, you know I do. Here's a tip: if you're going to puke all over my pristine sofa, do NOT come and shove your puke-breath face directly into mine and ask for pats. No, really. It's gross, and I am already disinclined to give you pats after scrubbing the sofa.

Love,

Me

Dear body ( Read more... )